Catherine Harvey asked:


Most of our plans for the wedding are in place. There have been one or two hitches along the way ie: the best man breaking his leg on the stag do, one of my bridesmaids going down with mumps, the flowers for the cake not matching my bouquet as I had requested.

I was beginning to think that this was a bad idea, that we were somehow jinxed and it was a sign that we shouldn’t go ahead but it all seems to be coming together.

Last week, my mother and I went to the bridal wear shop for our final fitting and I have to say, we looked amazing. We were really getting in the spirit of things and the red wine was flowing when the mis-hap occurred.

My mother got the heel of her ridiculous shoes stuck in a stray veil trailing across the floor and tripped, sending her wine all down my beautiful dress.

An emergency developed and I was feeling frustrated that all I could do was cross my fingers in the hope that all would come good in the end. However, when I got home to find a message on the answer phone from the DJ we had booked to say he was packing it all in and emigrating to Thailand, I was more stressed than ever.

At least his message reassured me that he had passed the job on to a trusted friend who would be available on the date and he left me a contact number. I arranged for the new DJ to come round the next day so we could organise our music selection that we wanted for the reception.

We were quite dismayed to find that this DJ has no music collection as such! He says he will download music from the internet, transfer it to CD and that way we can have absolutely any track we desire. This concerns us somewhat. I sometimes download music for my own personal use on my iPod but I’m sure public use is illegal.

I put this to the DJ but he assures me he has a special licence and can download music at any time for public performance. Not knowing a great deal about the subject, I trust he knows his profession better than me and we submit our wish list of modern and romantic music.

So, the big day arrives. My dress arrives spotless, the cake is delivered complete with the correct flowers and with a quick check at the reception venue, I find the DJ setting up a pull down screen. I ask him about this and he tells me that not only can he download music but also music videos, and all this under his licence. Not entirely sure I want people watching music videos at my wedding reception, it is meant to be MY day after all, I decide I don’t have time to argue and will just see how things go tonight.

At the church and things are running smoothly apart from a slight glitch that sees everyone scrabbling around the aisle to catch the ring that the replacement best man has dropped. Just as the formalities are ending, I turn to see my sweetest, youngest page boy projectile vomiting over the train of my dress! I knew this was going to be a disaster.

After a quick clean up with the Vanish, we arrive at the reception and struggle to greet our guests with a smile after my new husband tells me to ’sort my face out’!

The wine is flowing, the food eaten and the DJ ready. Out blasts ‘Congratulations’ by Cliff Richard instead of my specified ‘Bleeding Love’ by Leona Lewis. I complain to the DJ about the feeling that my ears were bleeding and he blames it on an internet fault from when he tried to download music.

This appalling collection of music continues and the guests are revolting. The wine is disappearing in vast quantities and nobody is on the dance floor. Instead , they are watching the music videos that do not coincide with the horrendous music downloads and everything is falling apart. An argument breaks out between two drunk guests, as is typical at these do’s, and someone calls the police.

When the police arrive to break up the fight that has moved into the street, they come inside to make sure all things are calm and take great interest in what the DJ is doing. I can’t quite make out what is going on but a new scuffle breaks out and the DJ and all his equipment is packed up and escorted to a waiting police van.

It turns out that he didn’t actually have a licence to download music at all, let alone music videos, and he is taken away for prosecution. The whole event has disintegrated and I am left hoping this isn’t the way that married life will continue.